I Wanna Know
This month's podcast series has been dedicated to open dialogues about: intimacy, love and sex. Not so much in a traditional sense of focusing just on the sexual perspective of relationships, because we all know there is so much more to making this "love" thang work! Being a part of several forums on Facebook, Anchor and other social media sites, I often hear questions in reference to these three things. I hear about how they don't work, how to make them work and how some have all but given up on the quest to find love and or the affection of another.
I'm a part of a Facebook forum titled Love Series: Dating While Black, and on this week the question was posed, "Why is it that when you meet a guy, you have to balance how many times you call/text or attempt to see him in order to not seem desperate/thirsty? Why can't I just do what I want to when I feel like it?" I wanted to answer the question directly in the forum, but I felt that it would be better to address the question after some thought.
After reading several articles on dating I found one that stated, "If couples were paying any attention during the past few decades, they should be able to recite the one critical ingredient for a healthy relationship, and that's communication." That does not matter whether it is new, in the middle stages or when it has become stagnant; communication has always and will always remain the number one key to success in a relationship. Even if that relationship ends in a break-up or a divorce, communication got you to that point to be able to draw that conclusion. What I'm saying is there is nothing wrong with contacting a person that you find interest in, I don't think you should wait! So many times we pattern our lives after the social constructs along with social media. Those kinds of messages paint the picture of how we should do things and I think we've forgotten that all of those viewpoints we see on te(lie)vision as Dr. Safisha Hill adamantly says, is just the opinion of someone else, it's not gospel!
(MORE: THE KEY TO HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS? IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION) http://ti.me/1qAEB1b
Honestly, while you're sitting there waiting to text or call him, he's doing the same thing. Maybe he hasn't called because he talked to a friend about the situation and that friend told him, "Wait a few days!" And your friend may be telling you the same thing. At that point your "friends" are dictating the outcome of a possible healthy situation for you, your happiness if you will. I've been in the position of wanting to call a woman after an initial interaction and waited several days before I did so, but by the time that I contacted her she was ecstatic that I had called, saying, "I have been waiting on you, what took you so long?" But she didn't know I had been waiting as well. One thing I've learned about dating, is that we have to use the ability to get out of our own heads and give ourselves agency over our free thoughts. In a world where we live by so many rules every once in awhile we have to allow ourselves to color outside that line. By doing so, you just might make one of the biggest greatest "mistakes" (in a good way) of your life and actually find happiness. So go forward. Challenge yourself. Go against the norm. F the social constructs. Liberate yourself and just live!
When was the last time you went against the grain?