Tha Reality Is Feedback From Our Listeners

Hello Anthony,

I found and read with interest your article about dating and Black
women. It is this particular one.

At the end of it, you posed the following questions:

1.) Would you date a black woman?
2.) What do you love about black women?
3.) Are you guilty of looking over the true essence of black women?

As a man who is not currently dating a Black woman, I'd like to address
those questions, one by one.

1.) Yes, of course I would have dated Black American women...if they
had been interested in me. However, it is they who said no to me for, 
apparently, being "too White". I am rather light-skinned--though I do
tan well in the sun--and I also have a little bit of a California beach
accent, being originally from that part of the country. It turns out
that what they wanted was a Bobby Brown, Kanye West, or Jay-Z type.  
Basically, they seemed to be attracted, based on whom I saw them
actually dating, to the "alpha male", "playa", "wannabe gangsta" types
of fellows. Instead of acting like those, well, fools (I conduct myself
much more like Avery Brooks or Denzel Washington do), I preferred to ask
them out in a gentlemanly fashion, something like, "you know, it seems
like we're having a great conversation here. Would you be interested in
continuing it over, say, coffee or lunch?"

That's when I would hear, "yew too White!", or "naw, I need a BROTHA!", 
or "I tend to prefer *darker* men", and they would generally put on an
extra, if you will, "black twang" when saying this, compared to how they
had been talking with me just minutes earlier.

This, I should clarify, happened specifically with Black American
women. It was not the case with Black Africans or the Black Frenchwoman
that I met; they seemed to rather like me. So, along with some White
and Latina women, that's who I've dated. I've seemed to have the best
success with those not from this country, generally; it could be because
I've lived overseas. It could also be my San Francisco upbringing, 
itself remarkably international.

2.) What I love about Black women, regardless of country of origin, is
the striking physical beauty that one can find amongst them. Among the
prettiest women I've seen was a Black woman on a daytime talk show, some
years ago, modeling a short wedding dress. A petite woman, she had
quite dark skin; a lovely--I'd say near-to-perfect--physique; short, 
well kept, curly hair; and an ability to make that light-cream dress
look stunning. I do tend to personally prefer somewhat delicate, maybe
even elfin, features on a woman, and the most beautiful women I've ever
seen who have that have generally been Black women, Chinese women, and
Japanese women. I say "generally", because that's been the majority, 
though certain Eastern Europeans also are remarkably beautiful.

Some years ago, my father was dating a (not-so-elfin) Black American
woman, a banker, with dark skin. She was wearing a knee-length, 
sleeveless dress with straps, and she had gotten some sun. Her skin
actually glowed in the sunlight with this incredibly appealing deep, 
dark-bronze effect. I was nearly transfixed by the sheer beauty of her
skin tone (her daughter has the same gift--she'll need a gun!). Later, I
privately commented to my Dad about this. He said, "yeah, Son, you're
right. Her skin *is* beautiful." Darker-skinned East Indian women can
also have this characteristic.

3.) No, I don't overlook the essence of Black women. Rather, as
previously mentioned, the American ones (not the foreigners, but
specifically the Americans) have overlooked mine, so we didn't date.  
They seem to be too interested in the "essence" of the "playa", and I
never had any desire to be that (still don't). I'd rather remain a

Ironically, to this day, I continue to hear Black American women
complaining about, "where all the good menz at?" Well, my answer to
them would be, "they're right in front of you; just open your eyes."

Hopefully this helps answer your questions above.

All the best,