Making Sense Of It All


Cari Michael

Place: A corner cafe.

Scene: A patio. A presidency's campaign is nearing an end. The two of them are soaking up the Sunday afternoon festivities.


I like songs about God being a woman,

gold grills, afros, babies made from bodies bent awkwardly,

all the things that make classic music. It's not enough

to pave new lanes into old ones, is it?


Why are you so unsure about something so true to you?


I'm just trying to make sense of things that consistently

draw blanks in my head, like how I want a woman created

from the clay and ashes of Jill Scott and Baduism; a woman

with a presence so strong I second guess walking out the

door after a knock down drag out spar of words. Because

when with just a woman with two breast, a vagina, no backbone

or soul, even when I'm wrong I'm right, because i need reason

to not be present in that relationship.


Is it you or her? I mean does she give you reason to stay?

Does she speak peace into your mental storm?

Does her presence upon arrival send butterflies crashing

into your ribcage? Does your body call out to her from a distance?

Do you even still anticipate the satisfaction upon entry

of her private islands, do you?


I've never thought about it in such a way.

Have you ever felt that for someone?


Don't change the subject. Why don't you be honest with yourself?!

Discover the answers that you're looking for and don't believe those

people who say that you're young and you have all the time in the world

for love! In reality you have one chance at it and if God deems you worthy

maybe a second, but even he breaks his promises doesn't he?


I'm afraid that I could never promise someone a lifetime of monogamy,

I'm not built for those things pleasing to God's eyes or my mothers ears.


I can tell you like to be different, but you're not. You're not the only one

with thoughts that made it outside the box, but now that they are out, how will

they survive without societies perspective nourishing its intent?


Like a 12 step program, one day at a time.