READER RESPONSE: IN TODAY’S SOCIETY WHO WOULD EVER CONSIDER DATING A BLACK WOMAN?

Here at Tha Reality Is, we always welcome audience feedback. Good, bad or indifferent. The following came to us yesterday from a reader in response to a post written by our host a few weeks ago posing the question, "In today's society who would ever consider dating a Black woman?" This post is actually one of our highest performing ones here on the site, so needless to say, it's definitely a topic that makes for good discussion. Special thanks to TP for taking the time to chime in!

Hello Mr. Poe,

I found and read with interest your article about dating and Black women. At the end of it, you posed the following questions:

1.) Would you date a black woman? 2.) What do you love about black women? 3.) Are you guilty of looking over the true essence of black women?

As a man who is not currently dating a Black woman, I'd like to address those questions, one by one.

1.) Yes, of course I would have dated Black American women...if they had been interested in me. However, it is they who said no to me for, apparently, being "too White". I am rather light-skinned--though I do tan well in the sun--and I also have a little bit of a California beach accent, being originally from that part of the country. It turns out that what they wanted was a Bobby Brown, Kanye West, or Jay-Z type. Basically, they seemed to be attracted, based on whom I saw them actually dating, to the "alpha male", "playa", "wannabe gangsta" types of fellows. Instead of acting like those, well, fools (I conduct myself much more like Avery Brooks or Denzel Washington do), I preferred to ask them out in a gentlemanly fashion, something like, "you know, it seems like we're having a great conversation here. Would you be interested in continuing it over, say, coffee or lunch?"

That's when I would hear, "yew too White!", or "naw, I need a BROTHA!", or "I tend to prefer *darker* men", and they would generally put on an extra, if you will, "black twang" when saying this, compared to how they had been talking with me just minutes earlier.

This, I should clarify, happened specifically with Black American women. It was not the case with Black Africans or the Black Frenchwoman that I met; they seemed to rather like me. So, along with some White and Latina women, that's who I've dated. I've seemed to have the best success with those not from this country, generally; it could be because I've lived overseas. It could also be my San Francisco upbringing, itself remarkably international.

2.) What I love about Black women, regardless of country of origin, is the striking physical beauty that one can find amongst them. Among the prettiest women I've seen was a Black woman on a daytime talk show, some years ago, modeling a short wedding dress. A petite woman, she had quite dark skin; a lovely--I'd say near-to-perfect--physique; short, well kept, curly hair; and an ability to make that light-cream dress look stunning. I do tend to personally prefer somewhat delicate, maybe even elfin, features on a woman, and the most beautiful women I've ever seen who have that have generally been Black women, Chinese women, and Japanese women. I say "generally", because that's been the majority, though certain Eastern Europeans also are remarkably beautiful.

Some years ago, my father was dating a (not-so-elfin) Black American woman, a banker, with dark skin. She was wearing a knee-length, sleeveless dress with straps, and she had gotten some sun. Her skin actually glowed in the sunlight with this incredibly appealing deep, dark-bronze effect. I was nearly transfixed by the sheer beauty of her skin tone (her daughter has the same gift--she'll need a gun!). Later, I privately commented to my Dad about this. He said, "yeah, Son, you're right. Her skin *is* beautiful." Darker-skinned East Indian women can also have this characteristic.

3.) No, I don't overlook the essence of Black women. Rather, as previously mentioned, the American ones (not the foreigners, but specifically the Americans) have overlooked mine, so we didn't date. They seem to be too interested in the "essence" of the "playa", and I never had any desire to be that (still don't). I'd rather remain a gentleman.

Ironically, to this day, I continue to hear Black American women complaining about, "where all the good menz at?" Well, my answer to them would be, "they're right in front of you; just open your eyes."

Hopefully this helps answer your questions above.

All the best,

--TP