I'm Ungrateful But I'm Working On It


I wake up every morning with my fingers tied to a cup of coffee, with thoughts being thrown to the walls of my brain in hopes that something sticks. I need to write, I want to write, but I can't! The last few weeks I've discovered personally that, "Writers Block" is a motherfucker!

I've been so consumed with other things in life: a new job, a radio show, my senior year of college, and the never-ending attempts at my own personal life (fail). I actually start to make excuses for the reasons of why I don't or why I haven't taken the time out to sit down and write. To breathe for that matter. Another week is coming to an end, a successful one if I might add, if you don't count the always crying significant other, under paying "job," meticulous papers that need to be written, and the lack of time that I have to myself.

Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, because it could be worse. Everyday on my route to work I pass this bridge where the homeless exist. Right beneath the bridge in the upper left corner they have created a familiar place. Somehow they've hung clothes lining to put up blankets creating a wall to block the winter winds, folded newspapers for pillows and blankets, and created urinals and toilets for bathroom purposes. I see this and I think to myself, they are surviving with the odds stacked against them. To them, they have all the essentials they need to live, and they're not alone. The homeless is a community, a conglomerate of people put together: ex-doctors, lawyers, army vets, mentally ill, and some who have just checked out on life.

But the thing that I find so ironic, they are free! No debt, no one calling them for car payments or mortgage bills. They are truly free! It may not be the life that we want for ourselves, but they do have something that we don't. When I see them, I often think to myself, how much do we really need to survive here on this earth, and to be happy? Personally, I'm still in search for that answer, but one thing I do know, is that I don't have to possess a fancy car, or house to know my worth, to smile, or to appreciate the bigger picture of this life.

Too often we take things, people, and situations for granted. We don't show gratitude to whatever higher-being we believe in for what we have, and what we've been through. We obtain one piece of success and we're off looking for the next best/big thing. I'm guilty of that, I'm never quite satisfied with what's in front of me, not even from dawn-to-dark. I'm working on it (smiling), but nothing happens over night.

Are you thankful for those things/people that you have in your life? Can you find something to let go of in your life that's holding you back? Whom and what types of things are you surrounding yourself with, and is it building you up, or holding you back?