How Do You Define Yourself (Keeping Comparisons To A Minimum)

I was raised in a Christian home. Most people tell the story of waking up on Saturday mornings to old skool music being played by their parents. They remember bands like the Commodore's, but it was church music for me, so much so that honestly I can't remember the name of any of the artist, I just know it was foot-stomping, hand-clapping type music, and I hated it (sorry mom)! Then I moved out and began to create Saturday mornings for myself, occupying my own space, and creating my own entertainment through music, with artist like Ryan Leslie, Train, and Lil Wayne. Yes, I know Lil Wayne is not what he use to be, but hey, I'm a true fan.

It's funny how when we get older we try so much to create a life for ourselves through: new music, new friends, new places, and experiences. That's what life is about right? Everyone is trying to create the life that they've always dreamed it would be, and sometimes it doesn't pan out quite like we expected it to, but we keep rebuilding what this life tears down.

We sometimes without notice create negative standards for ourselves, we bring people into our lives who aren't suppose to be there, we accept jobs that we really don't like, and we even sometimes give our energy to significant others who may not pour back into us once our vessels become empty. The funny thing is, we don't even know why we do these things. We just unconsciously adopt certain standards from people or our surroundings, like our parents.

For whatever reason I blame all of my negative traits on my father, and maybe it's because he was never around to set me straight, or teach me the ropes on how to be a man, and make the hard decisions. I use to feel like if he was here, I would've been able to filter through some of the bullshit that I encountered along the way in women and in friends. Some would say, "But you had your mother." And I'd reply, " Mothers aren't built to play both roles."

To create a standard for yourself is normal, but to place pressure on the shoulders of yourself before your journey even starts can be detrimental to you. I often think about the things in life that I want to embark on, things I want to accomplish, things that I strive to achieve, and as I think of those things, I look at those who are already there, those who have made it and how I don't have a third of what they have at the moment. I've come to realize thinking that way immediately takes a bar away from your life, it's self sabotage. It's like playing Metal Gear Solid, being Snake, knowing the level is hard and what it takes to get to the end, but standing in the fire before you even start the mission, allowing it to eat away at your life bar before you even began.

For instance,  it's easy for me to go to work and see the doctors driving their Tesla's, Bentley's, and every other foreign car on the parking lot and feel that I don't belong there. If it was 5 years ago, that's exactly how I would've felt, but everyone's journey to success is different. So what I don't drive a Bentley! My dream car is the Audi S7, well as of now anyway (smiles sarcastically because it's $82K). To aspire to have what others have is ok, but to work to have what they have is unrealistic if it's not even something that you want. What I'm saying is, a lot people in society are working to imitate someone else, someone else they don't even want to be. They just want to be successful and don't know how to get there.

Creating your bubble, your success, and your standards, they are just that..."yours!" So make sure that when you wake up everyday and go to work and come home, or when you hang out with your friends and family, you are behind honest with yourself; make sure that you are building the life that you want. Don't measure yourself by others success or failures, because you aren't them, and they aren't you. Create realistic goals and stay motivated, but most important keep your comparisons to a minimum in order to see true change.

What defines you? Do you compare yourself to other people? Do you try not to live in the shadows of your parents mistakes? Or do you find yourself without any goals or standards or your own at all?